being alone. we’ve all been there. well most of us, I’m sure. being alone is something that comes hand in hand with travelling. you get all the beautiful things like seeing amazing landscapes and meeting great people. but there are also times when you can be very, very alone. travelling was my first experience on being totally, and completely alone. I lived with my parents until I was eighteen and then I had a serious long term relationship for the next four years of my life. meaning I had never felt the rawness of being alone. of waking up alone. walking around on my own. eating alone. so when that relationship ended I tried my hardest to put a positive spin on it. that this was what I needed. to be free. and it was what I needed. I needed to have a freedom I had never felt before. because being alone isn’t this awful deadly curse put upon you. you get to be incredibly free. you can make any decision that you want. any. this kind of freedom is amazing and sometimes intimidating. you have full control over every tiny detail of your life. when you travel you don’t have to be alone. you are always surrounded by other people. maybe this is the hostel you are staying at, or on the train, or the beach. this is where there are people swarming you, anyone of them a potential new friends. but sometimes it can be hard to crack out of your shell, and sometimes you don’t want to. which is okay. and sometimes, someone will ask you ‘so, do you travel alone?’ maybe someone making idle chit chat and you realise that yes, when you sit on the plane you are alone. but within days of arriving you have an incredible amount of friends. so no, you aren’t alone. you meet and absorb people around you and make the most strongest relationships, and in a way, these relationships are based on everyone’s loneliness. no one really, really wants to be alone. at least not forever. so when you decided you don’t want to be alone and you want to step out and make friends. there are people there. there is also this alone, a dark, black alone. the feeling of lost. in a new city or maybe just randomly one day, when you feel like you just want to talk to anyone. when you are so far away from anything you have ever known, not knowing where you fit in. when you arrive in a busy city and everyone rushes around you and you feel like you are a piece of street furniture. just there. or it’s lying in bed, not being able to sleep because you’ve not slept alone in years. the crippling fear of no one understanding you. your dreams. it’s not knowing whether to go north or south. its an alone, that is temporary. it encases you as you sleep at night and then the sunrises and you feel lighter, stronger. because every time you feel a state of alone; laughing as you bike down a hill on your own or lying on the concrete wishing for the night sky to swallow you. you become smarter and braver and calmer. every time life pushes you, your knowledge expands. being alone is not a curse. being truly alone is something everyone should experience. because during this time you learn what you want. you learn who you want to spend your time with. most importantly you learn who you are. what makes you. what you like and what you don’t. to learn about yourself is one of the greatest things.
I hope you enjoyed this post. Recently I really wanted to talk about this feeling I had about six months ago and yesterday I wrote it down, which felt do good. My last post was about the travellers curse and before that my wee blog revamp so maybe check that out here, if you wish. stay kind. stay hydrated. eat your veggies. look after your soul.